A Typical Writing Day – A Parody
By Mayra Calvani
A typical writing day in my life…
7:00am: Get up, make breakfast, take kids to school.
8:00: Walk my dog, Amigo, while listening to podcasts on my iPod (I’m addicted to Book Bites for Kids and Publishing Insiders!)
8:30: Major dilemma! Should I make the beds, tidy up the kitchen, pass the vacuum… or WRITE??? Procrastination wins! Yeah, housework, my favourite! (Yeah, right.)
9:00: Sit at the computer. Stare at the screen. Stare at the screen. Stare at the screen. Scowl at the sign on my desk that says: “A writer is someone who writes everyday.”
9:15: Go to kitchen. Make a cup of tea. Writers and tea go together, right? Or is it writers and coffee? Oh well… Fight urge to grab a mini Snickers bar… Will loses. Go to computer with tea and Snickers bar. A writer needs her nourishment, right?
9:30: Drink tea, eat Snickers bar, check email. Stare at the screen. Stare at the screen. Stare at the screen. Scowl at the sign on my wall that says, “Leap, and the net will appear.” Starting to feel guilty. OK, that’s putting it mildly. Starting to HATE myself.
10:00: Just remembered: laundry, get dressed, buy toothpaste, brush Amigo… STOP! Take a deep breath. Tell my inner critic, Helga (I named her like that), to SHUT UP. Do a short meditation with affirmations. Yes, that’s it. Calm, calm. Write. Write. Write… Aaaah. Soothing. Time stops. The earth stops rotating. It’s the zone. No other place like it.
12:00: Happiness. Bliss. Get dressed and brush your teeth (finally!).
12:15-14:00: Lunch and errands, all the while listening to podcasts (otherwise they’re quite unbearable!).
14:00: Email, blog, Twitter, Facebook.
15:00: Call my mommy long distance (So I’m still a mama’s girl. Sue me.) Talk to her while critiquing somebody else’s manuscript. Talk to her while preparing interview questions for a guest author. Talk to her while editing my own story. She asks, “Are you listening to me? I hear the keyboard!”
16:00: Email, website, Twitter, Facebook. Email, blog, Twitter, Facebook. Head is spinning. Neck hurts. Shoulders stiff. Ouch!
16:30: Make dinner while listening to podcasts, get kids from school.
17:00: Back at the desk. Look at tower of books to be read. Ignore. Stared at mountain of books to be reviewed. Wince. Look at TO-DO list. Scream. Friend calls, “Want to do lunch tomorrow?” I say, “Nah. I’m a serious writer. I write. That’s what I do.” She says, “You’re antisocial. A hermit.” Email, website, Twitter, Facebook. Email, blog, Twitter, Facebook.
18:00: Dinner. After-dinner walk with hubby and Amigo (while planning scenes and hearing voices in my head). Hubby says, “Are you listening to me?”
19:00: Watch an episode of Columbo. I’m mesmerized. Sshh! No talking. Not even breathing, please!
20:30: Browse on eBay for Marc Jacobs bags, Chanel bags, Lauren Conrad’s clothes, Bare Minerals makeup I’ll never buy. Browse Amazon. Add a zillion new titles to my wish list.
21:30: Put kids to sleep, tidy up kitchen, take shower.
22:30: Cuddle up in bed with book and iPad. Email, Huffington Post, iTunes store.
23:00: Call my mommy. Exhausted. Fall asleep with scenes in my head… Mom says, “Mayra! Are you awake?”
Mayra Calvani writes fiction and nonfiction for children and adults. She’s co-author of The Slippery Art of Book Reviewing, a ForeWord Best Book of the Year Award winner. She’s had over 300 stories, articles, interviews and reviews published. In addition, she’s co-editor of Voice in the Dark ezine. A reviewer for more than a decade, she now offers numerous book reviewer workshops online. Visit her website at www.MayraCalvani.com. For her children’s books, visit www.MayrasSecretBookcase.com.
Check out her satire novel, SUNSTRUCK, now on Kindle and Nook!