Greetings and salutations once again, future minions. It is I again, your benevolent future leader Sean Hayden once again taking over the blog of the suitable earth queen, Jen Wylie. She informed me that I might be scaring some of my future minions with all my talk of “WOLD DOMINATION” and that I should let the denizens of this medium sized planetoid the real “Lord and Master of Earth”. I said, “Very well, how about an interview?”
She readily agreed and wickedly laughed as she came up with the questions she asked me. She said they were “FUN” but I saw nothing peculiar about them. They were well thought out and highly intelligent questions. I hope my responses do not disappoint you, my adoring future minions!
1) If you were a superhero (or villain!) what would your power be? Would you wear a cape?
I would be a supervillan. My name would definitely be The Instigator. I’m what some of my friends like to call a S*#& DISTURBER. I like to stir up the pot, grab some poppycorn, sit back and watch the show. I’m currently trying to instigate a land war in Asia. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. No capes, just a long pointy moustache.
2) Chocolate, Strawberry or Vanilla?
Chocolate covered strawberries served with vanilla crème sauce, sprinkled with large granule sugar and a nice bottle of champagne.
3) The light side or the dark side?
There is a light side? Pah. B-o-r-i-n-g. The dark side haz cookiez.
4) What sort of coffee would you order? Simple coffee, complicated soy-non-fat-extra-espresso-half-caff-nightmare?
If I were a vampire, Coffee would be my blood. It’s all I drink all day long. I’m sort of addicted. I drink it black in a cup. The way the gods of the bean intended man to drink it.
HOWEVER-and don’t tell anybody-ON OCCAISION! I do enjoy me a Venti Caramel Macchiato with an extra shot, whole milk, easy on the vanilla, and extra caramel. I swear to freaking gods, they put crack in that S*&%!
5) Have you ever given someone who asked for decaf, regular coffee just to see what would happen?
Are you kidding me? Um, can you say, “Every time?” It’s fun watching old people all jacked up on java juice. Amazing how fast they can scuttle around with their little walkers with tennis balls when you fill up their tank with premium.
6) Is there any food you refuse to eat? (Other than brussel sprouts because NO ONE likes them)
Actually I do lika da Brussels sprouts. It’s that crap they call liver that makes my toes barf it up the minute it hits my tongue. I curl up in fetal position and cry for hours. Vile, nasty stuff. Should be illegal.
7) What do you think the coolest pet to have would be?
A Komodo Dragon. I’d take him everywhere, keep him on a leash, and call him “Mr. Nibbles.”
8) If you could visit any world (real or imagined) where would you go?
I’d visit hell. See if it’s as bad as everyone says or if they just use the whole idea of it to scare little kids into following those ten…um…commandos? Commanders? Comanchos? Something like that. I never get it right. Anyway…I live in Florida, how bad can hell be?
9) Have you ever done anything really crazy? Do you regret it?
In my four decades upon this earth I have water skied behind cars, jumped from bridges, worked at Mc Donalds, had Jehova Witnesses banned from their church, and gotten married. I regret nothing! (maybe the last one)
10)What kind of person drives you nuts? (personality trait)
“The Loud Taker” and “The Toucher” I swear to gods if I EVER come across a loud talking touchy feely person their ass is mine. I shall smite them. Hard. Across the face. With a whiffle ball bat. I might even pour lemon juice in their whiffle induced facial injuries. That’s about it though.
11)Do you like making up strange new words? (ie awesomesauce, techtarded) Please share if so!
Like, OMG, yes. I call them “Shwords” And they are so wiffun. One day, I plan on totpletely rewriting the Shmenglish Language.
12)When you rip out a page from a spiral notebook, do you leave the strip with the tabby pieces in? Or do you have to remove them?
I have to remove them, but not because they bother me. Au contraire mon fraire. I absolutely adore them. I have a room of my house completely filled with them and I invite my friends over to play TAG in there. It’s a lot more fun when you can’t see other people.
13)Have you ever gone out in public with your shirt on backwards, or your slippers on, and when realizing it, just said screw it?
I usually just say, “Screw it,” before I leave the house, then put on a backwards shirt and my slippers. Much more fun when you plan on being a little different.
14)Are you a person who makes their bed in the morning, or do you not see much point?
Since it’s just me, I’m the type of person who makes their bed when company comes over. Sometimes you can see my bed under the mound of blankets, pillows, comforters, and sheets. It’s my “Nest”.
15)Do you get road rage? What pisses you off the most about other drivers?
Yes I do. Nothing pisses me off more than driving in traffic. You see I live in Florida. Home of blue-hairs and vacationing New Yorkers. We also get a lot of visitors from Quebec. Driving in this state is akin to Mortal Kombat Grand Theft Auto Mario Kart. The thing that REALLY pisses me off about other drivers is the fact that they own cars.
You may be forewarned of impending doom by following my battle plans on: