Greetings and salutations once again, mortals of planet earth. It is I your beneficent malevolent future world dictator (doesn’t dictator sound like the reproductive organ of a potato? Always makes me giggle) here once again to commandeer the blog of the glorious earth woman Jennifer Wylie.
What’s the topic of conversation today, Lord Master?
I knew you were going to ask me that. Today boys and girls we shall be discussing the bane of writers and authors everywhere. DAY JOBS.
Unless you were born in Beverly Hills and have a last name like Hilton or Kardashian (but then again if you do have that last name you’re probably too stupid to write, yeah I said it) you started out with humble origins and need a day job to support your family while you pen your novels.
Even I have a day job. (GASP)
I’ve had a LOT of minions ask me what my day job is. I tell them I’m a fiber optic engineer. This statement is usually followed by me smiling down at their look of incomprehension and wiping the small trail of drool sliding ungracefully down their chins. I thought I would use this hijacking to explain it in detail. It is kinda cool.
You see, I work for a small telecommunications company in Southern Florida while I write and plot my subjugation of the planetoid known as earth. Basically they supply telephone, cable, internet, and alarm services to posh gated communities in our area. What is different about the company I work for is their method of delivery. Most companies run fiber optics from their HEAD ENDS to what is called a NODE and then run copper wires in different forms to the houses of their subscribers. My company runs the fiber straight up into the house. Talk about FAST internet.
This is where I enter the picture. My responsibilities are designing how to get the fiber from our HEAD END to each house. I get to play with CAD software most of the time and make pretty maps of neighborhoods in glowing neon colors and then record what color fiber goes to what house. What can I say…It’s a living.
So now you’re thinking…What a joke. He plays on the computer all day? HA! I frigging wish. Just because I design the networks doesn’t mean my job is done. All of our fiber optics are run underground. They don’t want telephone poles and hanging wires in posh gated communities. NO. They want invisibility. So, we have pipes running all through these neighborhoods and pull large fibers to vaults called nodes and then smaller fibers called drops straight into the house. What’s really cool is that inside these large pipes are a whole bunch of little tubes that the fiber gets blown through with compressed air.
Here comes the other part of my job. Once they put all these little tubes in the bigger pipes and put the fiber inside them, I get to venture forth into the hot wilds of South Florida and put them all together into what’s called an enclosure and then splice the fiber together with a fiber splicer. What that does is take the two ends of the fiber, throws an arc of 20000 volts across the two ends, melts them, and pushes together, fusing the glass cores of the fibers. Pretty neat huh?
No. Not really. I absolutely positively LONG for the day when my writing can support me and my family on its own and I can afford to do just that for the rest of my life. I LOVE writing. I love making books. My plan is to become rich enough to buy a gigantic ancient bookstore, run that, and sit in the middle of it while I write. Now THAT would be an awesome DAY JOB!
Thanks for stopping by!! See you next month my minions! BWAHAHAHAHAHA