Greetings and salutations, denizens of the planet known as “Earth”. It is I, your future world ruler once again holding hostage the blog of the beautiful earth woman, Jen Wylie, to suit my own needs and further my evil plot of world domination! (Insert Bwahaha here).
So what is it you require, glorious ruler?
Nothing yet, my fiery minions. Hold tight. The day of reconciliation is coming. For now I would just like to share with you something that has been on my mind for some time. I do consider myself the root of all that is evil and fun in this world. When another source of evil makes itself known to me, I must do one of two things. I must either destroy it, or bitch about it in a sarcastic way, poking fun at it until all my little minions talk bad about it behind its back.
(Insert secondary Bwahaha laugh track here)
The evil we shall be talking about today is THE SCAM!
Yes. I said it. The scam. I’m not talking schemes, machinations, blackmail, extortion, or cons here people. I’m talking about the nitty gritty in your face SCAM.
I do hope the rest of the world reads this, and not just other authors. I hate to break it to the rest of the world, but just because you’re an author, doesn’t mean you are set for life, sit on your ass, eat bon bons, smoke pipes, attend parties, and have movie deals. Every author I know is just one person of the hardest working group of people you can imagine. Nothing about being an author is easy. The only perk is we get to do what we love and that is write. Well, guess what scammers of america, WRITING A BOOK IS THE EASY PART!
With that said, the sucky part of the job comes into play. Editing, revising, dealing with editors, finding publishers, marketing, yada, some more yada, and yada after that. From the time you type the last word of your manuscript to the time you get it published and get to hold it in your hands can be anywhere from months to years. That is a considerable investment in JUST ONE BOOK.
Well guess what else! It doesn’t end there. From that point on the real uphill battle begins. Getting people to read your book. This is the part where the scammers, just like hungry vultures circling above the dying coyote in the desert, come into play. Most of them have come to realize that most authors would do anything, short of selling their soul (don’t look at me, I didn’t have one to sell or I would have) to get the word out about their book. AND FOR GODS SAKE PEOPLE, DON’T THINK I’M IMPLYING EVERYBODY OUT THERE IS A SCAMMER TRYING TO SEPARATE YOU FROM YOUR MONEY! There are a lot of legitimate sites out there who do promote authors. Some charge, some charge for some services, some offer free promotions, etc. I hate to let you in on a little secret. A LOT of these sites are other authors, supplementing their income. That’s more of a symbiosis, than a parasitic relationship. No, the rat bastards I’m talking about lure you in with the promise of fame and exposure. They call, they email, they do all sorts of things to show you how excited they are to have the opportunity to gain exposure for your work.
“Damn it,” you think. ” I know this is a scam, but what if…”
So you sit through their shpiel. You realize your instincts were dead on balls accurate and just wasted a good portion of your life you can never get back. Then you stop and wonder… Gosh, I wonder if anybody else fell for this?
Chances are they probably did. Experience as a teacher is a stone cold bitch. If you look up “AUTHOR” in a thesaurus, I’m sure the word “DESPERATE” is under there somewhere. We all want to hit the big time. What we NEED to do as a community, is warn our friends. If you fell for it, don’t be ashamed. There are a lot of people out there who could sell anything to anybody. Just be careful out there my friends. If you feel iffy about something, ask around.