Being a mom is not easy. Mothers out there know this, and even those who don’t yet have children often appreciate this fact (even more so if they’ve ever babysat). A Mother is what I am, and also who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. That said, being a mother who writes has been a challenge.
In the time ‘Before Children’ I was a night owl. It was nothing for me to stay up until 2 or 3am writing or reading, and yes I did even have a period in my life where I hit the bars and clubs. The next day I’d sleep in til noon, or if I had school or work off I’d go. There would be a little whining, but I survived this lack of sleep unscathed.
In 2002 my first son was born. I finally discovered the true meaning of TIRED. Even before he came into the world sleepless nights became common. My last few months of pregnancy I could never get comfortable, had restless leg syndrome, and had to pee what seemed like every 20 minutes. His arrival heralded of course more sleeplessness. There were feedings every few hours though the night, and the crying, or the wet diaper. Unfortunately my little darling developed colic, and until he was almost 9 mos old I pretty much rocked a screaming baby in my arms constantly. I somehow managed not to scream along with him, though as time went by quiet tears were plentiful. It was unfortunate for me that we lived far from all our family. We had moved for my husbands work, and so were also new to the area and hadn’t made many new friends. Don’t get me wrong, we had some wonderful neighbours, however I wasn’t comfortable enough at the time to ask them for help.
In 2004 our second son was born. This was right on time, as first son was starting to sleep through the night. Luckily, no colic this time, he was a very happy little baby. Of course my boys refused to nap at the same times. My oldest stopped napping altogether at age 3. My youngest decided then he didn’t want to nap anymore either. To this day I am still very envious of mothers who have kids who will nap!
The point of this story? I didn’t write much during this years. To all those mothers out there with little, little ones I can’t belive you can actually do it and I applaud you! I started writing again when both boys started sleeping through the night, and even then, it was only in evenings. As they got older and would play more together I would putter a little at it during the day. When school started I was able to write even more. This coming fall both will be in school full time. I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself! Five days a week with quiet? I’ll probably catch up on some sleep. And yes, write.
The last few years writing has started pulling at me strongly again. Even during the time when I wasn’t actually typing out stories I was still dreaming them, writing them in my head. Now I have the time to get them down on paper, to make them one step closer to real.
It is still a challenge at times. A scene will weave into my head and I know I have to get it written down or all the description and dialogue will be lost. Then son will need a drink, or want to paint. If he can wait a few minutes then I’m lucky. If not, I do my best later to try to remember. I am a Mom, first and foremost.
I hope my children will grow up to appreciate reading and writing. I did, with my own mother as my guide. My oldest is already devouring books faster than we can buy them. When I peek in his room in the evening and see him hiding under the blanket with a book and a flash-light I can only smile and when hubby complains I shush him. I did the same thing.
It fills me with joy when I am reading and my son will come and sit next to me saying, “Can I read with you?” I impatiently await the time when I’ll be writing and he will ask, “I want to write too. Will you show me how?”
One day the boys will be old enough to read the stories I write. I hope that they will like them. Should I ever get one published, I hope they will be proud of me. Until then I will keep writing and if I have to let a scene fade away because its time to make cookies then so be it. My imagination will recreate it at another time, perhaps even a better version.
I hope other moms out there will smile and nod their heads at my experiences. Please do leave a comment if you agree or disagree or would like to share your own story. It’s good for moms to know they are not alone.